Monday, 10 July 2017

singing and intimacy continued

Further to 'I love my choir': we're always - quite rightly - being encouraged to catch the eye of people in the audience when we're singing, both in the choir and when we're singing at folk club (although I still haven't quite worked out, if you're singing a duet or a trio, how much you should look at your fellow singer(s)). But I still find it impossible to do (I feel very self-conscious, and also worry that it'll put me off and I'll forget the words or where I am, and I think it would also feel weird locking eyes with someone as you sing a love song), and continue to sing to the back wall in general, as I have done since solo singing in the Mod and as I do when I'm precenting. Sometimes at folk club I manage to look at a table or just over people's shoulder.

I find it no easier in rehearsing, when we're often asked to do the same; it's often harder, in fact, as it's people you know and can see and are often standing very near (and it's actually no easier with men than women). Again, sometimes I look over people's shoulder, or (as if I'm getting my eyes tested) at their ear, or at their mouth. Looking in the eye is the hard thing. I remember one time in particular we were standing close in concentric circles facing each other and meant to look at the various folk nearby facing us in the eye and I couldn't do it, and said so. G said, 'Too intimate?'; F said something like 'Scottish man' (and there's certainly that); I said to them, and S and A, 'You are all wearing lovely shoes', since of course that's what I was looking at, and we laughed.

Essentially G was right: I do find it very intimate. But I think I'm going to have to push through the barrier and do it more often.